A Picture of Tommy... Now!!!

Okay the thing about Tom talking way to much. Well so not this past Saturday, but the Saturday before that… after I got my tattoo… Tom and I went back to his place. I couldn’t sit down and there was no way in hell I was going to drive two hours when I was too sore to sit. Well we were talking and that was good and all, but soon I was able to sit and I was ready to go. God it was by then like 1:30 in the morning. I should mention that I woke up that morning at like 5:30am Sooooooooo yeah I’d been up for awhile. Well god dammit boy either pass me a pillow and blanket and let me crash on your sofa, or kiss me already. Tommy did neither. He kept on talking. Every time I thought he was heading for a pause where I could make my getaway he would start another topic. I have no patience with guys. Either make a move or let me go home and get some sleep. Oh well I’ll definably give Tom as many chances as it takes for him to get with the program. I’ve witness Tommy’s little adventures in Girl Land… what is taking him so long? He had that Amy girl hooked and feverishly desperate to throw her back in less than a week. FYI I’m not lovin’ his longer hair all that much, I am a sucker for those dimples…

Who Can I Trust? (Radio Edit)

I have a small handful of friends that I feel I can trust. I try so hard to keep a space between me and other people, but I think I can trust this small circle with my more "deep stuff." I would love to be totally open and honest with them. I already know that they are the type of people who can respect our relationship and not go blabbing everything about me to everyone. I hate it when my friends continue to bring up the same painful mistakes or bad choices I've made in my life. I'm not perfect, nowhere near close to it, but for God sakes no one is. And to keep bringing up in front of who ever... God knows I was raised better than that. I would never remind you (in front of strangers) things you find embarrising. I wouldn't intentionally hurt a friend like that. I know when to keep my mouth shut. I was talking to my friend Scott about what "real friends" are I think I have finally found solid trustworthy friends. Now I'm not saying that everyone not in my small group is not my friend... No, no, no...I'm just saying that I can not trust them with this kind of information/ power whathave you. I'll do for them as I would do for anyone of my other friends (in good standings with me).

Who Am I Crushing On This Week????

I love having crushes. I’m not a big fan of real relationships, unless I have a solid steadfast guarantee that it is going to last. But I love the happy butterflies in my stomach, the late afternoon daydreaming, and the lustful imaginary tongue licks (à la Ally McBeal). As of right now I am crushing on:

Celebrity Crush- Wentworth Miller (Prison Break)
Male-Friend Crush- Tommy
Female Crush- Rachael Leigh Cook (She’s All That)
Co-Worker Crush- Chris
Stranger Crush- The Wells Toll Booth Collector(95 North)

Michael Afonso is a Jerk and I Am Not Fat!!!! (Radio Edit)

I have to keep telling myself that... "Michael Afonso is a jerk and I am not fat." Don’t ask me why, but Michael’s birthday was on the 9th and I sent him an email wishing him a happy 24th birthday. I tried calling, unfortunately all the numbers I had for him are no longer any good. I even tried hi work number and guess what? He no longer works there. What the hell the boy hasn’t even been there a year. I should be thankful that we’re no longer together… God only knows what kind of hellhole I would be living in, or what I would be doing with my life. Mike was never one to compromise. If he thought his job wasn’t fun anymore he would just up and quit… It was always his way or no way. The only good thing that came out of that relationship was Grandma Afonso. I love that woman. I remember once Mike said to me, “Honey you have fat rolls bigger than my dick.” I didn’t eat for a week after that. I hate to exercise, but I do, do it sometimes. And you know what I feel better after. It's just motivating myself enough to get started. I know I still care about him, because I want to see him suffer. I know he’s miserable. He’s working dead end jobs, to his family he’s disposable (meaning they care about him only when he’s around otherwise they don’t want to be bothered), and he doesn’t have me. I was the best thing to happen to him, and he took me for granted. Mike gutted my insides and left a fat girl shell. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze. And when his eyes start popping out of their sockets… that’s when I’d start making out with him. Should I be consulting an M.D. about some nice tranquilizers or is that a normal chick feeling?

Is There Any Man Who Knows How to Make a Girl Feel?

I was listening to Teairra Mari’s “Make a Girl Feel” and guess what??? I had an epiphany...so FYI boys listen up… if y’all can’t handle the basics then what in the hell am I wasting my time with you for? I have a set of standard “Hook-up” rules. One of them being, because you’re not my man if you are doing something wrong I will tell you. In my limited experiences (very few guy I hang with every get even this far) most men do very will with their hand on the breasts… it’s just when they move their fingers down south that they somehow make a wrong turn. My God boys didn’t you pay any attention in school? At the very least I would hope a boy would know the female anatomy. There is a back hole, Front hole, and a tiny pee hole (in between the two other holes). What would make a man think that anything, but urine is going to fit in the pee hole? You don’t see me trying to jab my finger up your penis hole… do you??? Trust and believe it ain’t gonna fit… give up!!! And please someone clue me in on who informed men on the clitoris? I think what they left out was god dammit don’t rub it raw. It’s and extremely sensitive organ. Show it some gentle love. Better yet just ask your girl how to make her feel good. Face it ladies them boys will never evolved fast enough.

Precious Moments

Hey Shauna, Hey Shauna... Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Girl!!!!

Tinkerbell, Shree???, Plus Roz in a Hole (Again)

Can Someone Please Tell Me What the Hell I Am Doing?

So I got a grown up job thinking that I should grow up and settle down. My grandmother wants me to get married and have a child before she dies… the woman is like in her 90s now. I can’t take care of myself… what would make her think I could handle a husband and a child? It is times like this that I wonder what my life would be like if I stayed with Michael? I don’t think I can do this… I could settle down as long as I get a man who wont mined having a wife who makes more than him, or someone who likes to travel (I get depressed if I stay in one place too long). He must have a great Mom… mine sucks at being a real Mother. If my mother had it her way I would be Mrs. Scott Gower by now. I don’t want to be trapped down here. I should get on of those mail order husbands. I could work and he could keep house (I have no domestic skills what so ever). I need a life coach. I don’t know what I am doing. Anyone know of a good life coach?

Porn 101 Lesson 2 Script/ Story telling

The best porn films have stories that allow the sex scenes to be part of the film and not just lets have sex and place some sort of story here and there around having sex. Case in point Debbie Does Dallas. If you removed the sex scenes you would have only half a story, same as if you removed the dialogue (you would be left with half a film). The bottom of the barrel porn films are the ones that are comprised a mass compilation of short sex scenes. Which one could easily just easily mute and enjoy. The true art of porn is in the small details.
In the film Debbie Does Dallas a small town high school cheerleader want to audition to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Which as far as career choices is a very good one, if you are a pretty girl who can dance and wants to be a print model (not couture fashion, but just one step down). Many women have leaped from background eye candy to superstar status& umm can you say Paula Abdul, Jennifer Lopez, Carmen Electra, and Shania Twain. Well in order for Debbie to raise the money to travel to Dallas, she gets a job at the local sporting goods store. And one night when she was stacking boxes in the back her boss gives her a very interesting and lucrative idea. He offered her money just to look at her breast. Then he offered her a little more money to touch them.
The next day Debbie tells her fellow cheerleader s about how they can help her earn money to get to Dallas& and in pure cheerleader fashion, they of course all wanted to help. They started by getting regular jobs themselves, and then eventually they started offering their "special sexual" services to the sexually frustrated men and women of the town.
But the script doesn't just let them go around having sex with just anyone. No the girls set up a set of rules and guidelines. First they only charge $10, second the girls will only go as far as they feel comfortable , and they never asked to have sex for money. They would start with the intention of just doing a legitimate odd job (washing cars, or selling candles). Sex is not the driving force behind this film, nor should it be with any good porn. A story plot that is not only easy to follow, but well constructed is essential. Porn films with real solid stories, although mostly badly acted, feeds an emotional connection many women viewers need.
A good porn film should satisfy both men and women. It should quench the thirst for voyeurism, and sharpen the bodies natural sexual responses to audio and visual stimulation.

Clay Called (from MySpace.com)

I posted this on My Space like a week ago.
Finally … I must have left like a million voicemail messages… well really only three, but still. You want to know what the kicker about Clay calling was? He called at a quarter of 1 in the morning. I fell asleep at 10:00 just after I finished watching Baby Geniuses. By 10:15 I know I was well into REM sleep, when my phone went off. My first thought was what time is it? Then as I reached to answer the phone, at first when I saw that it was just Clay I was a little disappointed… I was hoping that it was someone else, but I was glad that the boy finally got back to me. So the thing with Clay… He is such a hottie, but we are just too good of friends. Besides he wants a manager not a girlfriend (he’s another wanna be actor, upside we were friends before he wanted to be an actor). Clay’s big news is that he met a girl at a party and got some digits, the bad news is that he was drunk when he met her so he’s not sure if she would pass my hotness test. I will not let Clayton date an ugly girl. Not even an okay looking girl. I love this boy and as long as I have sight in my eyes I will make sure that he gets with a pure 100% hottie. Any hot chicks out there, that needs a sweet and total Babe boyfriend? If I weren’t at work right now I would post a picture. I carry one of him in my wallet at all times… I just can’t find a scanner around this place. Well when I get home…

A Tom Story

Thinking about Tom reminds me of that summer that I moved in with him… I came home from work at around 4am or so, and Tom was already in his room with the door close. I woke up around 10 or 11 later that same morning because I heard the shower running. I guessed that Tom was taking a shower (which was true). All of a sudden I heard a female voice coming from behind the closed door in Tom’s room. I knew that Tom went to a party the night before, I just didn’t know that he didn’t come home alone. My first thought was that the woman in Tom’s room didn’t know that I lived there and she was talking to herself. But when she asked a question, I heard a different female voice answer. Wow not only did the boy get some action last night, but he got double teamed. Good news for me… I got to witness their walk of shame.

Porn 101- Lesson 1 Lighting

The concept of light continuity is trying to make all the lighting look the same for each take in the same scene. So as to make the final product look as seamless as possible. This is a key factor in deciding good porn from bad porn. In good porn when the camera goes in for that close up pussy shot the lighting looks the same as it did when a full body long shot or “dialogue shot” is being viewed. Bad porn uses a big bright spotlight and the money shot ends up looking unnatural and in many cases washed out. When filming with real film you can not turn on a normal house light and film with that. Average house lights give off an orange glow on film. Also florescent lights give off a green glow, and tanning beds give off a blue glow on film. One of the hardest jobs on a film set is that of the gaffer. And to have to light small enclosed spaces is a credit to not only the gaffer for lighting the area and making it look natural, but the director and DP for their talented eye and desire for a realistic look. Oh and I guess you have to give some credit to the actors for putting up with hot lights pointed at their wahoos, and no nos. An great example of light continuity is Kirdy Stevens film, “Playing with Fire.” (1983) The scene where April ( Karen Summer) tries to seduce her stepfather Danny (Randy West). April is sitting on the bed with Danny and she starts to talk about how boys only want one thing from her and she wont sleep with then, but after she gets home she finds herself all hot and wet… anyway the lighting is dim (because they are supposed to be in the bedroom just talking) and the scene starts off with a medium shot of April sitting on the bed. It cuts to a Close up on Danny looking at April and noticing that she has open her legs and revealed that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. The close up shot of her panty-less crotch maintains the same lighting level at the rest of the scene while all the time still allowing the intended private parts to be seen fully. Kirdy Stevens is a master of his craft. With amazing choreography he is one of the best porn directors ever. Check out some of his other films I suggest the Taboo series (although I have only seen and have Taboo I,II,III) but if I know Stevens’ work Taboo IV- VII should be equally as good.