I Am... Me...

I am shallow, fake and filled with self-hatred. I know once I learn to accept myself for who I am I will be happy… but it’s not that easy. Just like a drug addict just cannot put down the needle, and an alcoholic cannot just put down the bottle, I just cannot wake up one morning and love myself. I need help, and so far I haven’t been able to find anyone who can help me. I used to shop. A lot… really a lot a lot. And the high I got from it made me feel great and powerful. I would turn into a monster. I would look down on sales people. I wouldn’t look them in the eyes. I wouldn’t talk to them, unless I wanted them to wait on me.
I’ve been to 6 therapists in my lifetime… none of them could help me. I would spend forty of the fifty minutes explaining my situation, and answering their stupid questions. I know what my problems are; I just need to know how to fix them.