Second Guessing...

I haven’t made any sort of big life alliterating decision in such a long time… and even when I did have to I had my daddy or sister there to help me. In the past I have had others second guess choices I’ve made so many times that now I second guess myself. Okay so I like him. But why do I like him? Is it just hormones, or do we really have a mutual serious connection? I’m no mind reader, and if I start asking too many questions so soon I just might scare him away. I did something kinda stupid, but I so totally stopped myself from doing something I would soooooooo regret.
I feel like it’s time for me to have sex again. I have resolved my feelings for Mike and God to a point where I can forgive and move on. And I was willing to sleep with Tommy because I’ve known him for well forever, and I am comfortable enough with him to be open. And my goodness Tommy is so not boyfriend material. Dude can’t even hold a conversation without spacing out.. But I am fine with that. I am in no ways a casual sex kinda chick (hence I am such a Charlotte), but the type of friendship I have with Tommy I think I could handle it without getting all jealous and hurt.
Then there is this guy… I like him, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know him well enough to just sleep with him. Hell I can barely talk to him. And he doesn’t seem to be anything like his friends… but then why is he friends with them? And then there’s the issue of do we even have anything in common? We both like movies, but is that enough? Look what happen when I just fell blindly in love… I ended up with a lying ecstasy selling douche bag. Last night he tried to kiss me and I freaked… TWICE!!!
Then there is the nature of our relationship. Are we just friends? Even after last night? (FYI no I didn’t sleep with him, but I did finally let him kiss me). I know he’s not my boyfriend, but are we “talking”? This is so hard, we haven’t had one of those “let’s define our relationship” talk yet. Are we allowed to see other people? I could be stressing myself out for nothing here. For all I know he thinks we’re just good friends. I could be making more out of this than necessary. I should stop thinking that this is something really real, and start treating it like one of my hook-ups. Only he’s not a model/ actor, and he’s not dumb as a post, and I don’t make out with him in between setups on set because I am so bored just waiting around. He actually has interesting things to say, and I enjoy just being near him. Even if I am just sitting in the corner watching him play Beirut or Swords with his friends.
I’m not going to swear it anymore. I like him and I’m having fun. I should be happy with that… and I’m not going to except anything more than friends hanging out.